September! Yes a crucial month. isn't it? A month, a time, I never thought I would dread so much. I had hopes in my heart and thoughts on my mind which led me to you. It started with me asking you to show something that I always wanted to see and ended with your denial.
Now that September has ended, should I wake up? Should I think its over? Should I accept its over? Now that September has ended, should I give up on you?
I had imagined our life together, a small family living in a small house but with lots of love and happiness.Now that September has ended should I wake up? Should I wake up from the beautiful things I had dreamt of? Every moment of the day is spent thinking about you. I have run the knife through my finger, used a conditioner instead of shampoo and what not thinking about you. Should I wake up now that September has ended? I spend nights battling, pushing away my thoughts to a place where they feel extinct. There is not a moment of my life which is not related to you. With you leaving, a part of me has gone. I have lost a major organ of my body, which has paralysed me and is making survival difficult than ever.
I never knew that life without me would have been an easier choice than staying with me and working on us. I just knew one thing, and that was that you loved me. But now that September has ended, should I wake up and believe that I was wrong?
I cannot hate you or can ever stop loving you. But I cannot live my life waiting for you. If you had loved me enough, you would have been there beside me for better or for worse. I believe that you loved me, but I cannot trust that you wont leave me. I don't know if I can move on or even if I want to move on. A few weeks back, I could see everything clearly, now everything is bizarre. I wont stop myself and wait for you, I ll be walking forward. You have to take effort and walk to me. Just give me a sign and I shall be there.
You will always be in my prayers. I have always wanted your success and happiness. And even though September has ended, I shall not give up on your happiness. Every time you smile, I shall think God has listened to my prayers and is blessing me. So I'm waking up now that September has ended. I'm waking up to a new life. You can either be a part of it or not. The choice is yours.
With love, To love, By love.